| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2008|10:36 pm]
Jerusha
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| [ | music |
| | Dahlia - X JAPAN | ] |
I am an artist.
This isn't a conceit, like the Broadway producer who talked to our theatre management class claimed calling yourself an artist was.
There's a part of me that wishes I weren't. The sensible, logical, part of me wishes I would be happy at some desk job, far, far away from the entertainment industry. Somewhere safe. Where I'd make money, and be secure. Where I wouldn't be giving any REAL part of myself to my work. Just 9-5, go in, work, get paid, go home. It would be so simple. So easy.
But I can't, and I know I can't. Every time I think about doing that, it feels like a part of me is dead the part of me that makes me, well, me. You could call it my soul, my spirit...call it what you will, but I'm not alive without it.
I find art in many things, there's an art I never imagined to sitting in front of a sound board in a studio, an art to mixing that I never knew existed until I found myself in that chair, alone, mixing my own song for music tech. It's an art I'd love to explore more, if I knew how to do that.
I don't necessarily think I need to be creating work that's 100% my own, or even mostly my own. But there's a part of me, a very large part of me, that has to be involved, in some way, with art, with entertainment, and not just as a hobby. Because I know that if I try to make it a hobby, I'll either not actually do anything, or I'll get too into it, and forget the things I'm "supposed" to be doing.
I do know that the day I stop being an artist, is they day I'll be dead. At least, for all intents and purposes. Even if I still breathe and move around, I might as well be dead.
I am an artist.
Whether I like it or not. |
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sad